I didn't know I had migraines until the worst migraine of my life took me out for three days. I was in law school. In was one of those classes that only meets a couple times a week, but for like two hours. It was an evening class in a small room with blaring florescent… Continue reading Migraines
Because MS is progressive, you worry about what will happen in the future. These fears vary from person to person. A musician or a surgeon may be most concerned about not being able to use their hands, while an athlete may worry about not being able to use their legs. I play this pointless game in my head: if I could chose which MS dishabilles I will have, what would I choose? You know, like that "would you rather" game kids play: would you rather have a third nipple or an extra toe? Go ahead, Google "would you rather." Have fun! I ask myself, would you rather be in a wheel chair or not be able to see? And, on and on. I know it sounds a little dark, but for me, it helps put things in perspective. Like, would you rather not be able to ever open a jar again or need a catheter? See, not being able to open a jar is not that big of a deal. Well, for me. Someone might disagree. There are things I fear. Some big, some small. Some have come and gone. Others, I have yet to imagine. What are you afraid of?
I woke up one morning to a steady pounding on the right side of my rib cage, just under my armpit . Thump, thump, thump. Every few seconds. Like a heart beat. It didn't hurt, but it was noticeable. A spasm. Constant. Every few seconds. I tried to feel it with my hand, to tell if my body was actually moving. I had my son put his hand on my side. He felt it.
Last week was the hottest day in Seattle, ever. And, the second and fourth hottest days, ever. Until this year, it had only been 100 degrees or higher three times; last week it was over 100 degrees three days in a row.
I'm a Pacific Northwest (PNW) girl, born and raised in the suburbs of Seattle. It does not get particularly cold or hot here. Snow is rare and short-lived. We have limited snow plows and deicers, and when it does snow, everything pretty much shuts down. Extreme heat is also rare. In my forty-one years, I've never lived in a house with central air (except when I lived in DC). Lately, our winters have been getting snowier and our summers hotter. I am not a fan.
When I first learned I might have MS, I read about every symptom. I became hyper-aware of every sensation in my body. Yes, I had a neurologist and an MS specialist, who ordered MRIs, blood work, and a lumbar puncture, but I couldn't sit idly by. While waiting for tests and follow-up appointments, I was on a mission to collect as much evidence as possible to determine whether or not I had MS. But, when you are fixated on something, it can be hard to determine if you're noticing real symptoms, or if you're imagining them.
My first symptom of MS was the sudden loss of vision in my right, on September 25, 2020. We were six months into lock down, working from home, and doing remote school. Life was at a constant level of high alert. The rules were changing every day. News was addictive, and terrifying. Shocking antics from… Continue reading MS Triggers
When I first had optic neuritis, I basically couldn't see anything out of my right eye. The letter chart at the eye doctor looked like a solid black rectangle. I couldn't see lights or colors. If I closed my left eye, my cell phone looked solid black, the TV looked solid black, and I couldn't… Continue reading My Vision
When I left the eye doctor, I was in tears. I couldn't see out of my right eye. I knew it was neurological, but I didn't know what was wrong with me. The eye doctor told me to go to urgent care for a neurological exam, steroids, and an MRI. I was panicking, imagining the… Continue reading Steroids
On Thursday I worked from home while my son had virtual school. We went to a protest for police accountability and racial justice; we held signs, we chanted, and we listened to powerful speakers. On the way home, we sang along with the radio and danced in the car, not caring how silly we looked.… Continue reading Day One: I Can’t See